He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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