haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
