you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
