got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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