I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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