well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
