I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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