we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
how drunk are you?
Several
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
