Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
