i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
