I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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