I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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