Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
