Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
