I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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