She's JV to your varsity
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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