Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
