I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
