Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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