My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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