According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I think I just sharted jello shots
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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