she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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