Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
