Where is the hickey?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
