Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
