it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You don't make any sense
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