This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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