What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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