I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
