So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
