This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
