Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
