Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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