That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
