the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
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