I am spending my child support on dildos
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
