Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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