so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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