I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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