soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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