So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Just puked most of my soul out..
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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