Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
