she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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