the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
