My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
