Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
