I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm passing your future prison.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
