All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
