go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
