Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
