i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
