I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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