just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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