I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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