I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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