i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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