worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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