Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
