did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
This house was built for laser tag.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
