the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
