I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
