Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
