giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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