omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize