I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
