I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I am one with the molecules
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
