if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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