cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
